By Sunil Garodia
First publised on 2022-02-03 14:44:56
What the Union women and child development minister Smriti Irani said in the Rajya Sabha on marriages, domestic violence and marital rape in reply to a query from a CPI MP seeking to know whether the government had taken note of Section 3 of the Domestic Violence Act and Section 375 of the IPC was like looking at things only in black and white. Irani said that condemning every marriage as violent and every man as rapist was not "advisable". That is absolutely true.
But similarly, and more importantly, treating every marriage as blissful and every man as a sexual conservative who will take his wife's no for a no is also not advisable. A huge number of marriages are violent and a huge number of men do rape their wives by going ahead with sexual intercourse against their wishes. The Domestic Violence Act was enacted to protect women from abusive husbands and their families. Now, an amendment (to drop the exception granted to a husband) to Section 375 of the IPC is being demanded to protect women from sexually abusive husbands.
It is wrong to assume that marriage bestows an inalienable right on husbands to have sex on demand with their wives. That would make the institution of marriage one-sided. If it takes two to make a couple, the wishes and desires of both have to be accounted for in the relationship. There may be hundreds of reasons for which a wife would not like to have sex with her husband on a given day or a particular time. If the husband does not understand that, does not respect her wishes and goes ahead with the act despite her refusal, he has to be treated as rapist despite what the law says.
It is no one's case that every marriage is violent and every man is rapist. But there are plenty of men who display violent sexual behavior and rape their wives. They escape punishment because the law is in their favour. The institution of marriage will become stronger if the law is changed and wives are allowed to call out these beasts who degrade them and violate their dignity just because they are husbands. For, there are certain lakhsman rekhas which husbands must also not cross.